Depression Days

That’s exactly how I feel right now, like I’m stuck in this deep dark hole and I just can’t seem to pull myself out of it.

When I first started this website a few years ago I did so because it was a topic that I knew about.  I suffered Depression and so I wanted to share what I knew.

However, I never really liked this website, it just seemed to give the usual details about depression that everyone with depression already knows anywhere.  The same sort of information you can find on a thousand other websites online.

I almost let this domain expire and just let the website go altogether but I decided not to.

I have made a change to the site – not a very obvious one, but one that I felt I needed to make.  You see, I promoted some depression products as a way of monetizing the website, even though I hadn’t used them myself and had no idea how good they were.  So I’ve removed them, especially now that I believe all self help stuff is just CRAP!

The only one I’ve used and found does help a little is the Mindsoothe, although now I’m on prescribed medication I don’t use Mindsoothe anymore.

SELF HELP CRAP!

Now if you are here to find the answers and find something that will snap you out of your depression, then you may want to leave.  Because I am not promising to find any answers – hell, I’m still looking for them myself.  But I will tell you what I have learned along he way.

I have done all the self help stuff.  I have read heaps of self help books, I have done Yoga, I’ve done Pilates and I’ve attended courses on depression and anxiety.

Did they help????

Nope – not at all.

The problem with self help books and stuff, is that you are still on your own.  You will give it a go and try to do what is suggested in the book, but it will only work for a little while and before you know it you slip back into your old habits.

It is true that to help yourself get better that you have to take the initiative and you need to really want to change, but you can’t do it on your own.  I’m sorry for those who don’t agree – actually I’m not sorry at all, I must stop apologizing and feeling guilty about things – but this is my experience and this is the way I see it.

I have tried all the self help stuff and I’ve taken medication and still do.  Not even that is enough!

What’s the Answer?

Is there any answer to depression?  Fuck I hope so!

Oh, I should also mention that if you don’t want to read bad language you might want to leave too.  This is the way I’m feeling at the moment and I’m slowly learning to do what I want and feel and not do things to please everyone else – a big contributing factor to my own depression.

Get Help – See a Psychiatrist

About 3 months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist.  I reached a point where I couldn’t cope anymore and I was at rock bottom.  I was extremely depressed, anxious and suffering panic attacks.  I knew I needed help, I just couldn’t do it alone anymore.

Asking for help is the best thing I have ever done.  My psychiatrist is great.  Even though I still feel really awkward and uncomfortable going there, I can talk to him in a way that I can’t talk to anyone else.

I’m not saying that all psychiatrists are as good as him either, I know there are many out there who will keep you coming back forever so they can continue to earn an income.  My psychiatrist isn’t like that, he really tries to help you fix yourself so you can change who you are by dealing with all your issues from the past.  He helps you to deal with things that you never really dealt with in a good way, he helps you deal with them better so you can move past them and be happy.

He gave me a book to read called Uncommon Dialogue by Debra J Drake – brilliant book.  If you can get hold of a copy then I recommend you read it.  By reading that book you will get an understanding of how a good psychiatrist works and how he can help.  This book is Debra’s own personal journey with her psychiatrist – who happens to be the psychiatrist that I am seeing.

All the self help crap that I’ve done in the past has got me nowhere.  I have never really felt like I’m progressing at all until I started seeing Dr.P.

Still in the Deep Dark Hole

Through this journey with Dr.P there have been ups and downs.  A couple of weeks ago I was on a high, I was happy and laughing and thought I was finally getting somewhere.  Dr.P had changed my medication as he didn’t think the one I was taking was helping me enough.  I had been on the new medication for a couple of weeks and I thought this is great I’m actually feeling happy on it.  Dr.P believes that it’s best to get a medication that you respond to well so you can at least be happier while working through all the other issues.  Different people respond differently to medications so if one doesn’t work, then you might want to see your doctor and ask to be changed to a different one.

Anyway, my happiness soon disappeared and I started feeling down again, so I’m guessing it wasn’t the change of medication that made me happy.  I don’t know what it was.  The last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling down, stuck, just really flat and frustrated.

I’m feeling like I just can’t pull myself out of this hole and get on with things.  My house is a mess – and that’s an understatement, because I just don’t have the energy or motivation to clean it.  As I’m writing this my kitchen benches are full of dishes from last night’s dinner and my bathrooms are filthy.

Although I’m still depressed, anxious and panic to some degree, I do still recommend seeing a shrink.  I know that there will be many ups and downs and although I’m down at the moment, I have to keep the hope that this is just a ‘down’ phase of my journey and soon I will be on the up again.

I can’t get out of this deep dark hole on my own.  Just like if you fall down a deep crevice in a cliff, if you are on your own you will struggle to get yourself out of that hole.  If you have someone to help you they can help to pull you out.  It’s the same with depression, it’s a real struggle and almost impossible to get out of that deep, dark hole on your own.  Find someone to help you, find someone to help pull you out of that deep dark hole.